TAKING A BITE OUT OF APPLE

I just took a bit out of Apple and came up with an I-Mac.  At this point, I'm not sure Apple didn't take a big bite out of me . . . and come out of it on top.  For one thing, I've got some pieces missing now, especially out of my bank account.  When I went shopping for a new desktop a few days ago, I found the cupboard bare . . . or almost bare.  "So, where's the desktops?" I asked.  "Er, well, they're right there," the guy a Best Buy said.  I looked and only saw three desktops - HP, Gateway, and some name I'd never heard of.  "Desktops are on the way out," the guy says.  "Want to look at a notebook?"  I shook my head and headed for the front door, and that's when I passed the Apple section.  Hold on!   That thing looks almost like a real computer.  After about 30 minutes discussion with a salesperson, a very informative young lady, I bought it . . . a new I-Mac.

Ok, so all's well at the home camp.  Shitty old computers out, fancy new Mac in.  Then reality sets in. Someone like me owning a fancy high tech machine like my new I-Mac is somewhat akin to giving a corvette to a monkey.  I can jump up and down on it, lovingly admire it, sit and piddle with it . . . but I can't drive it.  That's gonna take a while, partly 'cause I don't know a thing about Apple computers, and partly 'cause I'm a techno retard.  I feel like a dump truck driver who just joined the country club.  I'm not afraid to hang out with just about anybody, but I can't read this country club menu.  I don't play golf, and I'm no good at sipping booze from a glass with a long stem.  Put plainly, this new machine might be out of my class.

And then I go to dinner, being as how Best Buy is close to a Golden Corral, and that's where I get some hope.  Sitting outside the restaurant is a kid wearing baggy pants, maybe twelve years old, and looking pretty grubby . . . and he's holding a fancy Apple I-phone, apparently playing games on it 'cause he's plenty amused.  That does it.  If that kid can make something like that work, then so can I.  I'm not about to be outdone by a seventh grader.

And now, I'm on day three at home alone with my new I-Mac, and I'm fighting off the impulse to go across the street and inviting over a seventh grader.  He's a smart kid, and I'm sure he'll have this thing ready to roll in no time at all.  The only thing holding me back is pride, but I'll probably break down and ask for help.  It's either the kid across the street, or my wife . . . and damn, I sure do hate to ask her to do everything for me when it comes to computers.  I'll wait until she's gone for a while, invite the kid over, and then act like I figured it all out on my own when she gets home.  You see, I'm not so dumb after all.