My dad used to say that often - you know, that old saying that a bird doesn't crap in its own nest. It was his way of reminding me that I shouldn't screw up in my home town because I'd be remembered for it. Well, I did screw up there, and just as he warned, people remembered it for a long time. I figure as long as they remember me, they're remember my screw-ups. Just to make sure the old man got it right, I looked it up and found that birds really don't poop in their own nests. They do, however, poop over the side of the nest, and woe be unto him standing under the nest. Birds poop on my cars all the time because they nest in the trees at night. Maybe a bird keeps a tidy nest, but it sure doesn't have much respect for anything else when it comes to letting those tiny turds fly.
Which brings to mind how people are about disposing of their poop. Unlike birds, we do poop in our own nests, then flush it away and let someone else worry about it. And it's not just the poop we propel into the somewhere-out-there; it's all the other waste we generate. The average person creates close to a ton of solid waste each year, and if we didn't find ways to dispose of it, we'd be buried under it by now. It takes lots of water to flush away all the waste we create, and we're starting to realize a need to conserve water. We also need to stop polluting the water 'cause what we shed in the way of waste sometimes end up back in the water we use. When it gets right down to it, people are a bunch of nasty bastards.
I could go on and on about all the damage we do to the environment due to our anthropocentric attitude about life, but I'll save you the bother of ignoring it. Nobody wants to hear about how nasty they are. Suffice it to say you're a pollution machine, the worst enemy of the environment you live in, and we'll either have to change that or end up like a stupid bird living in our own excrement. All living things excrete something, and we've been rather ingenious at finding ways to use it. We process cow manure and use it for fertilizer, and we've learned to make great fertilizers from bird droppings. We don't usually do anything productive with our own poop because unlike the cow or the bird, we don't eat things that generate good poop. We are manufacturers of mostly worthless poop, but that hasn't stopped some people for learning how to use it.
I read an article some years ago about a town in Florida that got into the business of treating human waste as a useful fertilizer source. It didn't work. For one thing, they had a hard time with the seeds that commonly pass through out systems, still in condition to sprout and create growing plants. This Florida town sold the human fertilizer to some folks (or maybe gave it away), who then put it on their lawns, who then ended up with hundreds of small tomato plants sprouting all over the place. That would be all well and fine, but it's hard to make tomato plants look good in a lawn. One Alabama town learned to raise worms in their sewage plant system, actually got well known for selling them at a profit. Good for them, and good for the worms. A city here in Texas, hard pressed due to water shortages, has started reprocessing sewage water into drinking water, and with good results.
People have demonstrated one thing in particular about themselves that is central to the problem of waste disposal, and that's this: They aren't responsible enough to dispose of their own waste. If they were left with that responsibility, you'd be seeing piles of poop in their back yards. You'd see all sorts of unsanitary situations arising, so we can't allow people to do that. At waste disposal, we're bad personal managers . . . and we can't stop creating waste. We're made to do that, you know . . . what goes in must come out. We have to turn that over to government, since the burden falls mostly on their shoulders, and here's a rare incident of where we can give them a pat on the back. I for one appreciate what they do to get rid of my waste. Excuse the pun, but I'd be up shit creek without a paddle without them . . . and so would you.
So, here's my suggestion. Write your Congressman a letter, or send them an email, telling them how much you appreciate them taking care of your personal poop and pee problems. Give them a pat on the back, and then make sure and tell them that just because they helped out with the waste disposal thing doesn't mean they need to give us back anything . . . you know, like all the shit they hand us when they can't handle the economy. You'd think they'd do better, being as how they do a pretty good job handling other shitty things.
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