I once expressed some doubts about the existence of a divine being, not something a religious family wants to hear . . . but I said it anyway, expecting some repercussions. I was a teenager at the time, but I didn't get the scolding I expected. Instead, my mother gave me a book to read called The Christian Agnostic written by a British theologian. I don't remember much of what I read, but the book at least gave me some insights about the credibility of doubt. It is through doubt we seek answers, something we're not likely to do when we follow blind faith. Now, at the age of 74, I still describe myself as an agnostic, one who doubts the existence of God. But I'm also one who wants to believe in a Supreme Being. I like the idea of that there might be some divine providence in our lives, and that means I occasionally pray. Sounds foolish, right? If you doubt, then why pray?
First, I'd like the dismiss the notion that God would turn a deaf ear to anyone who has not made a definite commitment to him. I even start some prayers with, "Ok, if you're out there and listening, I need a little guidance here." Praying in a selfish vain somehow doesn't strike me as being worth the effort, like asking for a new corvette, or even a raise in pay at work. If I thought that worked, I'd be on my knees all the time. Most of my prayers might just be short, a brief thank you. "If you did that for me, I sure appreciate it." What the heck? It never hurts to say thank you.
Second, praying is good for the soul. Personally, I think praying is important to soul development, something we all need to work on. I pray for other people most of the time when I think they need some help, and most people do, you know. I pray for myself sometimes by silently saying, "Oh, Lord, please don't let me do anything really stupid." I still have problems with doing stupid things, and it's not because I didn't try to do it right. Sometimes my good intentions take a left turn where there's no road. I'm sure you know the feeling.
Third, praying is a good way of improving your memory. Sometimes when a little good fortune comes your way, you might look up and ask, "Uh, did I ask for that?" If you can't remember, the answer might well be, "No, but I thought you needed it." Actually, it might be a good thing if we didn't remember most of our prayers, since most people tend to offer them up when they need something. My sister, a devout Christian, says she sometimes just says, "You know, Lord, you could fix this is you wanted to." To save myself some disappointment, I don't ask for much, and I try to never pray selfishly.
Fourth, be careful what you pray for because God might give you what you need rather than what you want. This means you should pray believing He knows best. I like to think He doesn't really care about my every little whim or problem, and that mostly what I get in life is what I deserve. That's not always true, but if we go with averages, it works out that way. From a personal perspective, I don't think I deserve shitty government (which we have), outrageous utility bills, crippling taxes, and meddlesome bureaucrats . . . and I sure don't blame that on God. If God gives us what we need, I can only assume that we all need to be praying more.
And Fifth, you should pray just because it helps you cover the bases. In other words, if you don't ask, you shouldn't be disappointed when you get nothing. Perhaps we should see praying as an opportunity to express some opinions no one else could appreciate or accept. Try it on God; He's big and He can handle it. He won't think your nuts if you say things like, "So, what's the deal with fleas, mosquitoes, and wasps? Do we really need those things?" Or perhaps you've just seen some dingy politician spouting talk of war and conquest, and all the while claiming to be a good Christian, and you say, "Can't you do something about this ignoramus?" In other words, prayer gives you a chance to express some of your doubts and dislikes, and some of your joys and good fortunes. You know, it's like talking to someone who really understands . . . and that's hard to find these days.
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