EVERYBODY'S SELLING SOMETHING

It's a good thing I'm not a businessman 'cause I've always been a lousy salesman.  What I'm talking about here is selling material things - you know, like cars or shoes or guitars or vacuum cleaners.  I couldn't sell hand warmers to Eskimos, but that doesn't mean I'm still not a salesman.  In fact, almost everybody is a salesman one way or another.  I'm a retired college professor, and that means I spent a long time in the classroom selling information to students . . . and folks, that's not an easy sale.  And it is a sale because they paid for it in the way of tuition and other college costs.  You'd think they'd be willing to listen and learn, but most of them aren't.

I'm also a writer, and that makes me a bullshit salesman.  Yeah, most of my books are pretty much bullshit one way or another, and crafting bullshit is actually an art form.  It's easier to sell bullshit, I've noticed, than it is history or political science or anthropology.  Bullshit is an effective method of selling ideas.  You just have to disguise it a little.  People don't want to be bothered with facts and figures most of the time, but they're always susceptible to bullshit.  Just call me Phil, bullshit salesman.

And that is my real name, by the way - Phil Martin.  I write under the names D. Paz Dalton, Cletus Duhon, and Philip Martin Cawlfield . . . all bullshit names.  I don't even know where I came up with them, but they've been around a long time.  I've used other pen names, but these voices have been around the longest.  I use them as salesmen for various ideas I come up with, things that turn up in blogs, short stories, or books.  They're better salesmen than I am, but that makes sense 'cause that's why I invented them.  Like I said, I'm a lousy salesman.

I'm fascinated by the way various things are sold, have spent a lot of time studying it.  I'm not a big fan of a laissez faire capitalist system by a long shot, lean more toward democratic socialism . . . but, only a fool would argue that any system would work that ignores man's need to profit.  He needs to trade or sell in some way to feel worthwhile, and this is what makes people productive.  I'm especially fascinated with goods, the crafting of a specific product . . . like a guitar.  I'm a guitar maker by trade, have a shop where I build them from time to time.  I don't make money doing it, have sold very few guitars, but I've traded some.  I started off thinking I'd sell them, though, and that got me into crafting them.  Wanting to sell or trade gets people started into lots of things, and even if the sales don't materialize, something good has happened.  

The idea that we should in some way profit from our endeavors might be more of a social need or drive than anything else, but it's important to our wellbeing.  Like I said earlier, I'm better at selling bullshit than I am at anything else.  But I'll always keep peddling something, just in case somebody might come along who wants it.  Since I'm a lousy salesman, I've got lots of stuff saved back.  I'm not a hoarder, but I do like to collect things.  I've got lots of vintage musical instruments, for instance - guitars, mandolins, fiddles, accordions, etc.  And I've got a big collection of old film cameras, and stuff like analog recording equipment, and even toys.  Maybe some day I'll start selling it . . . but I've got to get better at being a salesman first.  Selling a $5,000 guitar is lots harder than selling bullshit.  My books usually cost about ten bucks, a fair price for good bullshit.