IF ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS JUMPED OFF A CLIFF, WOULD YOU JUMP TOO?

"Well, I just did it 'cause all the other guys were doing it," you said.  And your mother asked, "If one of your friends jumped off a cliff, would you jump too?"  Mom wisdom, you know, something we all got as kids and perhaps still remember.  I think about that when I think of religion, especially Christianity.  It's hard to remember a time when religion didn't dominate your life, and getting free of it can be difficult.  All my friends told me it was the right thing to do, so I followed along.  But I'm old now, and I no longer follow friends.  I don't follow religion either.  I've even distanced myself far enough from it now to where I can make fun of it, but I still feel foolish for having once believed in it.

Ok, so here's the sales pitch from the biggest of all religious groups, the Christians.  So, there's a God, and he loves you as long as you love him back, but if you don't, he might smack your ass around to remind you who's boss.  And if you don't believe in him, and prove that by joining some church where you profess everlasting loyalty and devotion to God, you'll be left out in the cold with all the other lost people.  But don't worry about getting too cold 'cause if you don't straighten up and join the church, you'll die and go the Hell where it's really hot.  And then there Jesus, God's son, and you have to accept him too, and that means join up and toe the line.  All sorts of bad shit happens to you if you don't.  There's more.  You have to give money to the church to stay in good graces, and you have to think like other church members do.

I'm among the lost, so look out Hell, here I come.  The way I've got it figured Heaven is really Hell because it's full of Christians (if you believe them), and that would most certainly be Hell for me.  So, if I can't go to Heaven, then where will my lost soul end up?  Maybe I'll get recycled again like an aluminum can, end up next time full of English peas instead of beer.  But then again, I might just float off into space looking for other lost souls, and that's just fine with me.  I don't give a shit about streets of gold, harps, angel wings, puffy clouds, or any of that mythical bullshit . . . and I sure don't want to be surrounded by a bunch of Christians.  As for God, I think maybe the concept deserves more consideration than simple dismissal.  Maybe we could think of God as a superior intelligence that once conceived all of this stuff about life on earth.  Who knows, maybe the earth is God.  I think maybe the entire earth was once a true Garden of Eden, and then . . . people showed up.  So long Garden of Eden, hello people.  You know, sort of like being a really happy dog until the fleas show up, and ever since then the earth has been trying to kick us off.  Maybe that's why Christians want to go to heaven, that great dog in the sky where fleas can have a field day.  I think they've about sucked the earth dry.

So, dear hearts, there is no Hell down there anywhere, and there's probably no Heaven either.  It's just life for a while, and then the great mystery either ends or begins.  I'd like to think it ends for me without great fanfare, only to find myself suddenly standing on a lonesome dirt road with nothing in sight but nice terrain.  I did Ok in finding my way in this world, so I think I can find something to do in the next one.  And if that's not the plan, I'll look forward to a very long nap.